Do you feel stuck in your life? Do you find that something is holding you back from moving forward? Did you lose your job but are unsure of what to do next? No matter what you do, it seems like you can’t let go of the past.
You might be carrying a burden that’s holding you back. There’s a reason for your rut. There’s a reason for your stagnation and decision paralysis. We all have experiences that have left a negative impact on us. Sometimes, the thoughts and feelings from those experiences can hold us back and prevent us from moving forward.
The Need to Let Go of the Past
I was recently talking to a friend who was feeling lost. They have a job but hate what they’re doing. They just don’t know what to do next. They’re afraid of leaving their job, of leaving something stable. They also don’t know what’s out there. Maybe the grass isn’t greener on the other side? Why was she experiencing so much fear?
From our conversations, it was clear that the fear, paralysis, and general anxiety about the situation came from a deeper place.
In a conversation with a different client, they had just lost their job and didn’t know what to do. How long should they wait before getting out there again? What were they supposed to do? They were lost and needed guidance.
Because these situations happen so frequently, I decided to create a framework to help people work through their burdens so they can move forward.
The first part of the framework involves cleansing your mind and letting go of your past. Only then can you move forward with purpose.
What’s Holding You Back?
We’re not always consciously aware of the burdens that are keeping us from accomplishing our goals. There could have been one event a week ago, or a series of events a decade ago. The type of event or how recently it occurred doesn’t matter. What’s relevant is the impact the event(s) left on us.
When we experience a major negative life event, we often feel a sense of loss. This is due to the trauma you’re experiencing. We may have lost the job that we loved and worked at for years, or perhaps the person we thought would be our partner for life left us for someone else. In either case, it’s easy to see how this could lead to feeling like you’ve lost something — possibly even your identity.
Trauma Leads to Grief
If a person is exposed to trauma, they can experience a wide range of emotions and physical reactions. These include fear, anger, depression, shame, and guilt. These emotions and physical reactions aren’t isolated to a specific period of time or location. When we don’t deal with them, they can haunt us even when we don’t know what’s going on. This is at the heart of our burden and what might be keeping us from reaching our true potential.
Even when we think we’re over the trauma, the trauma-filled experiences can lead to grief. Grief is a powerful state that arises from the loss of one or more deep-seated human needs, such as a loss of:
- Attachment: With whom am I connected? I crave connection, bonding, security, and inclusion.
- Territory: Where do I belong? I desire to feel a sense of belonging and rootedness either to a place or a home.
- Structure: What is my role? I require a sense of significance, involvement, and appreciation in a role.
- Identity: Who am I? It’s crucial for me to understand my individuality, my principles, and my values.
- Future: Where am I going? Having positive expectations and a sense of hope, I require a clear sense of direction.
- Meaning: What is the point? It’s important for me to discover meaning and purpose in all situations.
- Control: I feel overwhelmed? I crave control over my destiny or the situation.
The process of letting go and moving on starts when you identify the deep-seated human need you lost.
What is it and why was it important to you?
Let Go of Your Past to Move Forward
So many of us have goals that we don’t act on, lives that we don’t truly live. We keep waiting for the right time to make changes in our lives, but that time never seems to arrive. The only true way to move forward is to understand what’s holding you back from moving forward. The only true way to stop feeling held back is to heal and let go of the past. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means realizing that the situation that helped mold you into you isn’t going to control your life forever. You’re ready to let go of the pain and move on.
Time to Commit
- What past experiences do you feel are holding you back from reaching your full potential?
- How have these experiences affected your emotions and physical reactions? How have they contributed to your sense of loss and grief?
