“I don’t get it. I do so much work and get great results, but I barely get any validation or recognition. Why do other people get noticed so much more than I do?” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this from clients, colleagues, and direct reports throughout my career.
Unless you’re a reality tv star, people aren’t aware of everything you do on any given day. Even if your boss is working alongside you all day, chances are they have so many things they are working on or thinking about that they won’t notice 100% of your contributions that day. Each person’s universe revolves around themselves, which makes it hard to take in what other people do.
Qualified Quiet
Unfortunately, that makes it difficult for certain types of people, who Meredith Fineman (author of Brag Better: Master the Art of Fearless Self-Promotion) calls the “Qualified Quiet” to be seen and recognized for their work. Here are some characteristics you can use to help determine if you’re a member of the “Qualified Quiet” and would benefit from support on how to authentically self- promote:
- You expect your work to speak for itself but consistently get passed up for greater opportunities.
- You have trouble speaking about your own accomplishments but don’t mind talking about the accomplishments of others.
- You don’t speak up in group settings even when the topic is in your realm of expertise / you know the answer.
- You don’t seek out credit for the great work you do.
If you feel connected to any or all of the statements above, it’s important that you focus on two areas for improvement: your mindset and skillset.
Mindset
“This is not me.” “I’m an introvert.” “I don’t have the talent.” You can’t see yourself as a person who promotes themselves to others.
“I don’t know enough to share.” “I’m no expert.” You keep telling yourself you’re not at “the level” where you should be talking about yourself.
“It’s not going to do anything.” “There’s no point.” Whether due to past experiences or something else, you don’t see how anything will change due to your actions.
“I don’t want to embarrass myself.” You are afraid of screwing up and bringing down your standing in front of others.
“I don’t want to come across as full of myself.” You don’t want to be “that guy/girl” who’s always talking about how great they are and what awesome things they recently accomplished.
Skillset
“I don’t know how.” You want to promote yourself but don’t have the faintest clue where to start.
“I’ve seen people do it and can’t imagine myself doing what they do.” You’ve had bad examples or incompatible examples to model what self promotion looks like.
“It seems like so much work.” You are daunted by the time, energy, and effort it takes to promote yourself.
“I feel weird talking about myself.” You don’t have the techniques or structures to follow that’d make it more comfortable to talk about yourself.
“I have tried and failed before so I’m afraid of doing it again.” You have prior bad experiences getting in the way of taking action.
Be Your Own Champion
“Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no body else.” – Les Brown
Accept responsibility and be your own champion. When I refer to authentic self-promotion, I’m literally talking about talking about who you are. It’s not about putting on a show and dance routine. It’s not about making yourself seem like a larger than life character. It’s about making sure key decision makers know about the factually accurate accomplishments that can help them see what you have to offer.
How to Champion Yourself
Own your accomplishments.
Own = You need to claim your accomplishments as fully belonging to you.
Your Accomplishments = You need to know what you’re proud of and why.
Practice: List all your accomplishments, giving each a title and description.
- Write down at least one accomplishment per year for the last five years.
- Write down one accomplishment per month for the past year.
- Write down one accomplishment per week for the past month.
- Write down one accomplishment per day for the past week.
- **Extra credit** Create your own Limited Edition Card with all your best stats. Draw an image of your best self on one side and write down a list of all or just your top accomplishments on the other side.
Know your accomplishments.
Be prepared. Leverage your list of accomplishments by memorizing them so you can recall them in a natural way when the moment calls for it. Most people can easily share detailed stories of how they screwed up on a project last week or with a client the week before, but struggle recounting their successes.
Practice: Make accomplishment flash cards with index cards.
- Refer to your list of accomplishments.
- Write down the title of the accomplishment on one side and the description of the accomplishment on the other side.
- Make a pile of the flash cards and then go through them all, trying to recall the description for each. If you get it right, place it in a different pile. If you get it wrong, place it in the back of the pile you’re working from.
- **Extra credit** Write your accomplishments retirement speech. Put everything together to write down what you would like to somebody to share about you at your retirement party if you were to retire today.
Share your accomplishments
Who, What, Where, When, How, and Why. Self-Promotion isn’t about talking up how great you are to everybody, all the time, for no clear reason. You need to be in complete control of the entire situation to maximize its benefits and make it as easy as possible for you to do.
- Who is your audience? Why? Ex. My audience is my boss, because I’ve been passed up for several promotions even though I’ve excelled in my role for years.
- What do you want them to know? Why? Ex. I want them to know that I was responsible for 75% of the work that convinced one of our biggest clients to renew their contract for another year.
- Where is the best venue to self-promote? Why? Ex. I need to do this during a one-on-one meeting because I feel more comfortable being vulnerable in person.
- When is the best time to self-promote? Why? Ex. I have bi-weekly check-ins where my boss always asks me if there’s anything else I want to add. I usually don’t say anything, but this time I will use the opportunity to self-promote.
- How will you deliver the self-promotion? Why? “Stephanie, I want to share something I’m proud of from this past month. I know how important it is to retain our clients, so I took on a majority of the work for a big project they assigned to us. It was a great feeling to hear that they were so happy with the results that they were renewing their contract with us for another year. This news energized me and got me excited about continuing to be as involved with future clients. Please let me know if you ever see an opportunity where I can step in and support.”
Practice: Prepare your own script
- Who is your audience? Why?
- What do you want them to know? Why?
- Where is the best venue to self-promote? Why?
- When is the best time to self-promote? Why?
- How will you deliver the self-promotion? Why?
- Practice your script in front of a mirror or with a friend.
- **Extra credit** If you’ve established a solid level of trust with your boss, talk to them about how you are working on self-promotion. Ask them how they would prefer to hear about any accomplishments you achieve.
Get Seen
“Why do other people get noticed so much more than I do?” By now, you should know the answer to that. They make a point to be seen. Take control of your situation by authentically self-promoting and allowing others to see how great you truly are. Even if you just inspire one person or change somebody’s perception of you by 1%, that’s a huge win.
